...OF THE ESTEEMED LORD GINTOKI SAKATA, FIRST OF THEIR NAME, HAILING FROM THE REALM OF GINTAMA, RESIDING, AT PRESENT, IN THE THE GRAND CRESCENT. UNWED.
[ Sure, this does save him the effort of pointedly not looking at her and not knowing what to say but this is a shitty way of communicating and could they just not do it at all. ]
guess I cant stop you
[ Not even saying anything about the 'idiot' thing. Too much else to internally scream about to think about external screaming. ]
[ Although she won't know quite what the hell to do with herself if he doesn't. But for the sake of her own sanity, she just needs to be honest with him. About how she feels, for once.
Deep breaths. It's a very long minute while she types to him. With plenty of pauses, deliberating whether she's even saying the right thing at all... but eventually: ]
I don't regret what we did. At all. The opposite.
You might not feel the same way and you don't need to tell me if you do or not but I just need to say that
[ The opposite of regret? She's ... happy about it?
Maybe that shouldn't come as such a surprise, since he knows perfectly well how she feels about him. But it does, because he can't shake the wretched feeling that settles in his chest whenever he thinks about it, whenever he's reminded of the feel of her against him, her fingers around his--
Not thinking about it. Absolutely not thinking about it.
For a long while, he considers not even responding. It would be so much easier to just leave it, pretend he actually didn't read it. Right? It would be. Then they could just move on and ... He could just move on. Easy.
It comes as a surprise that he knows about Zoro. She's not sure when or how he'd figured that one out when she'd never spoken about it with him. It's definitely embarrassing but she also realises that it's not the most difficult part of this conversation. Not for her anyway. ]
I don't know what that really means, not yet
[ Especially after the absolute mess of the last few days. But here goes nothing. Or absolutely everything. All that she does know for sure, that through everything, how she feels about Gintoki hasn't changed. ]
I've been talking to someone Someone who's wiser than me about all of this stuff. She told me that I don't need to choose That maybe this just means my heart is fuller than it was
I don't expect any promises from you and you wouldn't be bound to me while we're here or anything like that. I'd just like to spend more time with you, if you do too.
Like we did the other night. That's all.
[ Whatever he says, however he reacts... she's happy that she got all of that off her chest. She feels lighter for it. There's still weight on her shoulders but it's a whole lot less now, with regard to Gintoki at least. ]
She wants to have sex with him again? While still seeing Zoro? What the hell is going on here? Is that okay? Isn't that cheating? And Zoro's calling him 'husband' and ...
Does he want to? Does he want to ... share? Ugh, that sounds wrong. You can't share a person like you'd share an ice cream, just-- She doesn't regret it, she wants to do it again, and she's still with Zoro.
His head hurts. He feels a little sick. Or a lot sick. Too much happened while he was way too drunk and he wishes none of it had. ]
what, like some kinda friends with benefits deal?
[ What does he even say? He probably shouldn't have sent that at all. Probably should have just kept his ... fingers shut. This is why he doesn't get involved with friends! Now he won't be able to look Zoro or Tsukuyo in the eye, and how is he supposed to deal with this burning sensation in his chest that he can't place? Is it shame? Jealousy? Jealousy of what? ]
[ She can guess where his thoughts still are with this. Probably. She would have been thinking the same thing after all, had she not spent a year on some crazy alien sex planet where almost anything goes before she came here. ]
He sees another person, not just me. If he's even seeing me at all now after what I did. I don't expect him to.
[ You know, the whole mental crisis and taking off into the night with only a very brief letter left behind thing. Which she's assuming Gintoki knows about by now.
There's a pause before she sends through another message. Because internally her brain is making a noise similar to ahhhhhhhhhh right now at what she's about to say. ]
You mean too much to me to just be that [ "Friends with benefits". Because she is not writing that! ]
But if that's what you'd prefer, I can deal with that too. I just like being close to you. Whatever that means.
Everything in places like this is never permanent in my experience. That's why I ended up being sent home and then here. You or I could be back home in Edo tomorrow, tonight, next week, whenever... and the Gintoki or Tsukuyo we see there won't know a damn thing about any of this. That's probably a good thing. But while we're both here, I don't want to waste time.
[ Zoro's seeing someone else too? What the hell is going on? Since when is that how any of this works? Sure, Zoro talked about them all marrying each other, but they were drunk! He can't believe anyone is still taking that seriously! ]
don't say shit like "I can deal with that" what the hell do you mean. Permanent or not permanent how much do you think im worth
I think you’re worth everything, idiot. I always have.
[ why else would she put ourself out on a limb by saying all of that? despite the fact that it makes her want to crawl away and hide in embarrassment for about a thousand years. ]
[ He suddenly feels sort of cold. This is why he didn't want to talk about it. He hates this conversation, he's let it go on for too long, but he can't back out now either. ]
no no dont get the wrong idea i just feel like craphate this place i wish it would have happened differently hadnt happened that way
Yet, it should be what he wants. For them both to pretend it never happened, so she can go be with Zoro and be happy. Even if they're allowed to be with other people or however that works, Gintoki hardly has to be involved in that. Who wants that?
She thinks he's worth everything, huh?
'My only condition is that you give it your all.' Somehow, he remembers Zoro saying that through the haze of those memories. Probably because it sounds so similar to what his family and friends have told him in the past, because it was so very Zoro that he could have potentially made a fool of himself from excitement of being at the receiving end of that kind of speech.
He can't believe he's typing this. ]
cant believe your texting me. cant have a conversation like this. Where are you?
[ Should she tell him? Logically, she shouldn't. She doesn't know how much he's been talking to anyone else since everything went down but telling him where she is immediately heightens the chance that she'll be found again. Also, it's putting him in a weird position if anyone asks but... ]
You can't tell anyone.
I have a room at the Trident. Temporarily.
[ She doesn't stop to think that just so happens to be the scene of the "crime" in terms of where they first kissed, that time he got sick from Poseidon's mess. ]
[ Unfortunately, on the way there he has plenty of time to second-guess his decision to not drop the conversation at any point. Everything his friends and family have been telling him the past few years must be doing something, because it's not too long ago that he's pretty sure he would have hidden from this way earlier and probably made an effort to never speak to Tsukuyo again.
As is, he just ... He's not entirely sure what he wants. Or, rather, he knows he wants Tsukuyo, but a lot of what she's saying is making his head spin, and he's terrified of the very idea to begin with, never mind adding Zoro's proposal and all that on top of it.
He still makes it there in the end, and orders and downs a pitcher of ale for courage before he texts her again. Not enough to make him drunk, in fact he's barely even tipsy from that, so hopefully it's not super obvious.
Although she probably wouldn't judge him too harshly. ]
[ Tsukuyo doesn't text him back to announce that she's coming down to meet him or anything. She just appears in the seat opposite him - you know, because ninja. ]
Ya came then.
...
I wouldn't have blamed ya if ya didn't.
[ She hasn't seen him since... that night. She's trying her best not to think about that, or specific parts of it at least. The parts where she was naked, on top of him, where it felt really damn good and-- No, not going there right now.
... She doesn't blame him for drinking either, she'd be doing the same if she wasn't determined to keep a clear head. A fact that's definitely better for both of them. ]
[ For a few moments, he doesn't say anything, his eyes fixed somewhere at the wall, not even close to her face. He'd expected that she'd want to go back up to her room to avoid being seen by someone else, but if this is fine for her, it's fine for him.
He idly rubs the back of his neck as he finally speaks. ]
I thought about it. But ...
[ He drops his hand and leans back to pretend that he's more relaxed than he is, for himself as much as anyone else. ]
[ The urge to retreat to her room is strong. There's every chance Zoro in particular could come in here for a drink, although he'd probably prefer a bottle of his own back on the boat. ]
I seem to still be managin' to hide.
But then I'm hidin' from two people who can't stop arguin' so. [ Ever. She doesn't need to have heard them to imagine how a search would have gone. ]
...
I meant what I said earlier. Ya don't have to do anythin'.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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guess I cant stop you
[ Not even saying anything about the 'idiot' thing. Too much else to internally scream about to think about external screaming. ]
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[ Although she won't know quite what the hell to do with herself if he doesn't. But for the sake of her own sanity, she just needs to be honest with him. About how she feels, for once.
Deep breaths. It's a very long minute while she types to him. With plenty of pauses, deliberating whether she's even saying the right thing at all... but eventually: ]
I don't regret what we did. At all.
The opposite.
You might not feel the same way and you don't need to tell me if you do or not but
I just need to say that
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Maybe that shouldn't come as such a surprise, since he knows perfectly well how she feels about him. But it does, because he can't shake the wretched feeling that settles in his chest whenever he thinks about it, whenever he's reminded of the feel of her against him, her fingers around his--
Not thinking about it. Absolutely not thinking about it.
For a long while, he considers not even responding. It would be so much easier to just leave it, pretend he actually didn't read it. Right? It would be. Then they could just move on and ... He could just move on. Easy.
...
Damn it. ]
but youre with Zoro
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It comes as a surprise that he knows about Zoro. She's not sure when or how he'd figured that one out when she'd never spoken about it with him. It's definitely embarrassing but she also realises that it's not the most difficult part of this conversation. Not for her anyway. ]
I don't know what that really means, not yet
[ Especially after the absolute mess of the last few days. But here goes nothing. Or absolutely everything. All that she does know for sure, that through everything, how she feels about Gintoki hasn't changed. ]
I've been talking to someone
Someone who's wiser than me about all of this stuff.
She told me that I don't need to choose
That maybe this just means my heart is fuller than it was
I don't expect any promises from you and you wouldn't be bound to me while we're here or anything like that.
I'd just like to spend more time with you, if you do too.
Like we did the other night.
That's all.
[ Whatever he says, however he reacts... she's happy that she got all of that off her chest. She feels lighter for it. There's still weight on her shoulders but it's a whole lot less now, with regard to Gintoki at least. ]
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She wants to have sex with him again? While still seeing Zoro? What the hell is going on here? Is that okay? Isn't that cheating? And Zoro's calling him 'husband' and ...
Does he want to? Does he want to ... share? Ugh, that sounds wrong. You can't share a person like you'd share an ice cream, just-- She doesn't regret it, she wants to do it again, and she's still with Zoro.
His head hurts. He feels a little sick. Or a lot sick. Too much happened while he was way too drunk and he wishes none of it had. ]
what, like some kinda friends with benefits deal?
[ What does he even say? He probably shouldn't have sent that at all. Probably should have just kept his ... fingers shut. This is why he doesn't get involved with friends! Now he won't be able to look Zoro or Tsukuyo in the eye, and how is he supposed to deal with this burning sensation in his chest that he can't place? Is it shame? Jealousy? Jealousy of what? ]
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He sees another person, not just me.
If he's even seeing me at all now after what I did. I don't expect him to.
[ You know, the whole mental crisis and taking off into the night with only a very brief letter left behind thing. Which she's assuming Gintoki knows about by now.
There's a pause before she sends through another message. Because internally her brain is making a noise similar to ahhhhhhhhhh right now at what she's about to say. ]
You mean too much to me to just be that [ "Friends with benefits". Because she is not writing that! ]
But if that's what you'd prefer, I can deal with that too.
I just like being close to you. Whatever that means.
Everything in places like this is never permanent in my experience. That's why I ended up being sent home and then here.
You or I could be back home in Edo tomorrow, tonight, next week, whenever... and the Gintoki or Tsukuyo we see there won't know a damn thing about any of this.
That's probably a good thing.
But while we're both here, I don't want to waste time.
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don't say shit like "I can deal with that" what the hell do you mean. Permanent or not permanent how much do you think im worth
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I always have.
[ why else would she put ourself out on a limb by saying all of that? despite the fact that it makes her want to crawl away and hide in embarrassment for about a thousand years. ]
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We’re both adults [ sometimes ]
I make my own decisions
If you hated what we did though, then that’s different and I won’t say anymore
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no that ain't it. Are you actually listening to what im saying? or I guess reading what im writing. my point is that wouldnt be fair
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no no dont get the wrong idea i just
feel like craphate this placei wish itwould have happened differentlyhadnt happened that wayno subject
We can't take it back
But I can keep on pretending that it didn't happen, if that's what needs to be done
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Yet, it should be what he wants. For them both to pretend it never happened, so she can go be with Zoro and be happy. Even if they're allowed to be with other people or however that works, Gintoki hardly has to be involved in that. Who wants that?
She thinks he's worth everything, huh?
'My only condition is that you give it your all.' Somehow, he remembers Zoro saying that through the haze of those memories. Probably because it sounds so similar to what his family and friends have told him in the past, because it was so very Zoro that he could have potentially made a fool of himself from excitement of being at the receiving end of that kind of speech.
He can't believe he's typing this. ]
cant believe your texting me. cant have a conversation like this. Where are you?
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You can't tell anyone.
I have a room at the Trident. Temporarily.
[ She doesn't stop to think that just so happens to be the scene of the "crime" in terms of where they first kissed, that time he got sick from Poseidon's mess. ]
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[ Like something out of a dumb spy movie.
Next she'll be asking him what the secret code is. ]
-> action
[ Unfortunately, on the way there he has plenty of time to second-guess his decision to not drop the conversation at any point. Everything his friends and family have been telling him the past few years must be doing something, because it's not too long ago that he's pretty sure he would have hidden from this way earlier and probably made an effort to never speak to Tsukuyo again.
As is, he just ... He's not entirely sure what he wants. Or, rather, he knows he wants Tsukuyo, but a lot of what she's saying is making his head spin, and he's terrified of the very idea to begin with, never mind adding Zoro's proposal and all that on top of it.
He still makes it there in the end, and orders and downs a pitcher of ale for courage before he texts her again. Not enough to make him drunk, in fact he's barely even tipsy from that, so hopefully it's not super obvious.
Although she probably wouldn't judge him too harshly. ]
i'm here
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Ya came then.
...
I wouldn't have blamed ya if ya didn't.
[ She hasn't seen him since... that night. She's trying her best not to think about that, or specific parts of it at least. The parts where she was naked, on top of him, where it felt really damn good and-- No, not going there right now.
... She doesn't blame him for drinking either, she'd be doing the same if she wasn't determined to keep a clear head. A fact that's definitely better for both of them. ]
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He idly rubs the back of his neck as he finally speaks. ]
I thought about it. But ...
[ He drops his hand and leans back to pretend that he's more relaxed than he is, for himself as much as anyone else. ]
I don't wanna be that kinda man anymore.
'sides, no way this town's big enough for hiding.
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I seem to still be managin' to hide.
But then I'm hidin' from two people who can't stop arguin' so. [ Ever. She doesn't need to have heard them to imagine how a search would have gone. ]
...
I meant what I said earlier. Ya don't have to do anythin'.
I just... needed to tell ya how I felt.
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[ Of course, he feels like he barely even gets himself, which is a problem.
But he has to start somewhere, so as his gaze flickers briefly over to her, he sighs and smiles wryly. ]
Did ya know Zoro proposed to me? During that night in the park. He said I should get married to all of you.
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What?
Freaking out in 3...
2.....
1.......... ]
2/3 i lied
How many people did he-- Just how many people are involved in this mess??
[ Did he just wander around the entire party just proposing to people left, right and centre?? What in the hell?? ]
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