[ Actually... would it be so terrible to tell him, anyway? They don't really have secrets from each other, do they? Of all people, surely Gintoki would understand. He might even help him figure out how to keep all this within the constraints of his comfort and boundaries. There's nothing they can't get through together, he's always been sure of this, and he still is now. Maybe... ]
[ He swallows. ]
...Gintoki. [ A little solemnly, perhaps a hint lower than usual. ] There's... something I want to ask.
[ While he notices the flinch, he doesn't notice any sweating or anything. It's too dark and he's way too tired. He's also sort of hoping Zura will tell him it's nothing and to go back to sleep, and allows himself a tiny groan when that doesn't happen.
Even if he totally brought it on himself by rolling over and asking in the first place. ]
[ There it is. The moment of truth. He can do this. ]
[ He can-- ]
[ Nope. ]
[ No, he absolutely can not do this. ]
[ The potential risks to their friendship aside, there's simply too much at stake. The series is barely halfway through! He can not afford to get distracted from his goal, he can not allow his affections dictate his judgement. The only lover he needs to please right now is the New Dawn of Japan. And Gintoki... might be sort of floundering, but no doubt he'll have something important to do as the main character soon enough. No matter how selfish he may be feeling in the moment, this is simply too much. He can not risk all those futures on a whim for a little wistful fantasy of his. ]
[ They're fine as they are. That's all there is to it. ]
[ He feels his shoulders relax slightly, but he's not sure if it's relief or disappointment. ]
Does it bother you? [ Quietly. ] Me sleeping here, I mean. I realized that I never asked.
[ He just went and invaded Gintoki's private space. Maybe that's inappropriate. Or maybe it's not, but there's one way to find out and he's going for it. ]
[ For a second, it looks like Zura's gearing up to say something very important, though Gintoki couldn't hope to guess what that would be. But he actually blinks his eyes open a little wider and lifts his head a little, in case he might want to scoot closer or something ...
And then what comes out is that question. His expression immediately stops its trajectory towards concern to land on blankness instead, and he heaves a sigh as he drops his head down to the pillow again. ]
Aa? Don't be stupid.
[ With a huff, he turns back around again, muttering 'realised he never asked' to himself, which Zura can most likely catch in the quiet of the room. ]
[ Indeed. It's extremely stupid to ever consider he could have this man to himself in any way, isn't it? It's like trying to own air, monopolize the sun, turn a river away from parched fields. He could not possibly have that much disregard for everything and everyone who also needs him. ]
[ ...Hold on. ]
[ He does finally scoot closer. ]
[ Those sad, poop-colored eyes are, unfortunately, still staring holes into Gintoki's soul. ]
Um. Is that a "don't be stupid, no" or "don't be stupid, yes"?
[ Then it's... probably fine? It's Gintoki's comfort he had been worried about, and if he is okay with this, then it would in fact be selfish to deprive him of much needed touch energy. So it's fine. ]
[ Look at that, maybe he isn't going to banish himself out of Gintoki's room! Retcon that comment from the Yule gifts thread. He might end up not initiating spooning again until Gintoki does or he starts really missing it, though. (That probably won't take longer than a couple weeks--) ]
[ But now he has a new problem. Gintoki is clearly growing suspicious, and uh. How does one act normal? Or... not normal that is his normal??? ]
[ The right thing to do here, as a friend, would probably be to ask more. Something is clearly up with Zura, something he for some reason doesn't feel like sharing with Gintoki but doesn't seem like some kind of scheme or plan that would be worth worrying about.
Which makes it worrying in a wholly different way.
So the right thing would be to ask. But Gintoki is so damn tired, and he groans with frustration as he pinches the bridge of his nose. And then he closes his eyes while he thinks about what to do. ]
[ Katsura takes it as a sign that Gintoki is done with the conversation. He finally wiggles closer, until he's near the edge of his futon, but doesn't cross over into Gintoki's territory as usual. Still, the unnatural chasm between them from earlier has shrunken significantly. Maybe things are okay after all?.. ]
[ He also seems to have succumbed to his need for beauty sleep, because his breaths slow down in just a few moments. ]
[ ...his eyes, however, are still staring into Gintoki's soul, of course. ]
Gintoki's not turning around to see those eyes staring at him (not like he needs to to know they're probably there). He's also going the fuck to sleep. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2/2
[ Actually... would it be so terrible to tell him, anyway? They don't really have secrets from each other, do they? Of all people, surely Gintoki would understand. He might even help him figure out how to keep all this within the constraints of his comfort and boundaries. There's nothing they can't get through together, he's always been sure of this, and he still is now. Maybe... ]
[ He swallows. ]
...Gintoki. [ A little solemnly, perhaps a hint lower than usual. ] There's... something I want to ask.
[ He can do this. ]
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Even if he totally brought it on himself by rolling over and asking in the first place. ]
What?
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[ He can-- ]
[ Nope. ]
[ No, he absolutely can not do this. ]
[ The potential risks to their friendship aside, there's simply too much at stake. The series is barely halfway through! He can not afford to get distracted from his goal, he can not allow his affections dictate his judgement. The only lover he needs to please right now is the New Dawn of Japan. And Gintoki... might be sort of floundering, but no doubt he'll have something important to do as the main character soon enough. No matter how selfish he may be feeling in the moment, this is simply too much. He can not risk all those futures on a whim for a little wistful fantasy of his. ]
[ They're fine as they are. That's all there is to it. ]
[ He feels his shoulders relax slightly, but he's not sure if it's relief or disappointment. ]
Does it bother you? [ Quietly. ] Me sleeping here, I mean. I realized that I never asked.
[ He just went and invaded Gintoki's private space. Maybe that's inappropriate. Or maybe it's not, but there's one way to find out and he's going for it. ]
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And then what comes out is that question. His expression immediately stops its trajectory towards concern to land on blankness instead, and he heaves a sigh as he drops his head down to the pillow again. ]
Aa? Don't be stupid.
[ With a huff, he turns back around again, muttering 'realised he never asked' to himself, which Zura can most likely catch in the quiet of the room. ]
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[ Indeed. It's extremely stupid to ever consider he could have this man to himself in any way, isn't it? It's like trying to own air, monopolize the sun, turn a river away from parched fields. He could not possibly have that much disregard for everything and everyone who also needs him. ]
[ ...Hold on. ]
[ He does finally scoot closer. ]
[ Those sad, poop-colored eyes are, unfortunately, still staring holes into Gintoki's soul. ]
Um. Is that a "don't be stupid, no" or "don't be stupid, yes"?
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He looks over his shoulder again, as though looking at Zura's face in this darkness could hope to clear anything up. Unsurprisingly, it doesn't.
And he grunts with annoyance and rolls onto his back. ]
No, obviously. Why are you being weird?
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[ Then it's... probably fine? It's Gintoki's comfort he had been worried about, and if he is okay with this, then it would in fact be selfish to deprive him of much needed touch energy. So it's fine. ]
[ Look at that, maybe he isn't going to banish himself out of Gintoki's room! Retcon that comment from the Yule gifts thread. He might end up not initiating spooning again until Gintoki does or he starts really missing it, though. (That probably won't take longer than a couple weeks--) ]
[ But now he has a new problem. Gintoki is clearly growing suspicious, and uh. How does one act normal? Or... not normal that is his normal??? ]
...it's not weird, it's Katsura.
[ Nailed it. ]
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Which makes it worrying in a wholly different way.
So the right thing would be to ask. But Gintoki is so damn tired, and he groans with frustration as he pinches the bridge of his nose. And then he closes his eyes while he thinks about what to do. ]
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[ He also seems to have succumbed to his need for beauty sleep, because his breaths slow down in just a few moments. ]
[ ...his eyes, however, are still staring into Gintoki's soul, of course. ]
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[ Right.
Never mind, then.
Gintoki's not turning around to see those eyes staring at him (not like he needs to to know they're probably there). He's also going the fuck to sleep. ]